Here I am in Bologna, gastronomic centerpiece of the Emilia-Romagna region, sipping burnt coffee that’s been stagnant on an all-too-familiar drip-coffee burner at my hostel all morning. I’m silently pondering my dinner last night of peanuts, 2 pints of ice-cold German beer and half of a pizza shared at midnight with a hostel resident of Roman, Egyptian and (Cuban?) roots while chatting about Umm Kulthum, Egyptian and European music traditions and dating in Italy…

What is an “authentic” experience?

Each of my successive trips to Italy has left me less and less romantic about this country and yet more deeply in love with it in general; like a relationship with a significant other that transitions from the all-too-exciting high of the first few months and settles into the reality, the routine, and the progressing stages of familiarity. My relationship with Italy is becoming decreasingly romantic with each train cancellation, deepening knowledge about the economic and political problems, and the witnessing of the effects of mass tourism (which I understand that I am apart of..).

Yet, coming away from my one-night stay in Verona with my host family from two winters ago, I reminisce about why I romanticized Italy in the first place. Was there a reason why I purchased my first solo trip overseas to the most romantic of all cities in Italy, arguably all of Europe? Did my childhood exposure to Shakespearean tales of impassioned love, lust, and loss really dictate unconsciously how I decided to romanticize Italy and spend my travel dollars?

Regardless, each trip to this place has deepened my sense of reality about travel, life outside of the United States, and the beauty of being a romantic in the first place. I never really considered myself a romantic person, but now as I feel my quasi-romantic nature slipping out from under me, more and more I am trying to cling onto the lighthearted freedom and bliss that lies in naivety. Perhaps, though, I could hold onto my romantic nature through the experience of navigating a new reality..

For now, I question the “authentic” experience as I weave my way through the same streets that I passed on my first trip in Italy. I stroll past the bars that I had my first Italian coffees in when I was unsure of the ways of coffee culture in this cultural context. I see groups of people that I can now group together in my mind as being from particular places in Europe, in Italy. I pick up on more minute differences in Italian accents. I can understand the differences in age gaps; the differences in the complexities and expectations between American early-twenty-somethings and Italian early-twenty-somethings.

This is my new romantic world… getting deeper and deeper into the culture while still remaining outside of it. Outside of my own, even. Peering in from the edges of the world.. a short-term transplant, enjoying the way things are done without ever fully prescribing to them, anywhere.

Arena di Verona.

I decided to sign up to run the 2018 Chicago Marathon on a snowy day in November last year. As soon as I made the commitment, I felt a sense of excitement met with dread because I knew my summer plans would put me in a nomadic position.

Fast forward to now. It’s July. The Italian sun beats down on the earth and I am not in the midst of a productive training schedule. If anything, I am overwhelmingly stressed about the impending race in October, my lack of raising funds for our marathon charity, and the lack of stability as a nomadic traveler.

I moved out of my apartment in Chicago on June 1st and am currently 7 weeks living out of one single backpack: three dresses, two jeans, three shirts, running shorts and shoes, sandals and a nice Italian-made skirt. Half of my clothes are dirty, half are kind-of clean.

From a farm in rural Wisconsin, a friend’s sofa in Chicago, my mom’s on the coast in Maine, a variety of Airbnbs in Milan, Turin, Bra to many trains, BlaBlaCars (one of which got a flat tire during the trip), planes and motorcycles; I have eaten at tables with complete strangers, alone, and with people who feel like family.

I create my own schedule. I have been awake at ungodly hours, have overslept, under-slept, overeaten, under-eaten. I have gone days without having an in-person conversation with anyone; I have also spent hours chatting with people I met only hours previously.

I have ran in Bra, Italy during the hottest part of the day (why do I do this to myself). I have ran along the Po River in Turin, accidentally joining runners in a 10K race. I have ran along Lago Maggiore in Switzerland, hopping in the crisp water to finish things off.

I have eaten more pasta in the past 10 days than I have in my entire life. I have drank more beer around a campfire than ever before. I have eaten wild strawberries, wild blueberries, wild blackberries.

Looking at the rest of my summer, there are so many questions. I don’t know when I will fly home. I don’t know where my next run will be, let alone my next bed.

I think about the Chicago Marathon. I think about stability and instability. There is no floor underneath me at the moment. I am free falling, enjoying the ride, but need to open my parachute sooner rather than later.

Back in Milan.

I spent the past week on a mountain in beautiful Ticino, Switzerland harvesting legal cannabis. The string of events that led me there: a couch surfing profile, a missed message, a toga party, an interview with an Italian affineur de fromage, and a wonderfully open and welcoming group of people.

I can still hear the clipping of the scissors; the tiny “tick, tick tick” sounds amidst the working hands of family and friends all helping to hoister a newly formed business up off the ground. The odor of the cannabis plants fading as the senses acclimated to their distinct smell blending with the mountain air..

Never would I have thought that at the beginning of this summer journey I would be on a local news station in Switzerland. Never would I have thought that I would share my deeply personal voice in a field of weed plants. Never would I have thought that I’d get a glimpse into a family, a business, and a lifestyle in a country I didn’t intend to visit.

The motorcycle trip through the alps, the late-night drinking of natural wine next to an open fire cooking ribs with a group of friends, the intensity of the night sky with its stars set against the majesty of the mountains, the discourse about what it means to have, or not have, national identity. America, Italy, Switzerland. My foggy brain drifting in and out of hours of Italian conversation as I worked to decipher a language that I am still trying to find meaning in..

I don’t know how I ended up there, exactly. What I do know is that the amount of hospitality welcoming me into the community of a newly-formed business between two twenty-something-year-old cousins still leaves me dumbfounded, awestruck, and above all, thankful.

Now, sitting on the bed of my Airbnb room in the Navigli neighborhood of Milan, highly familiar and yet as foreign as Ticino was to me a week ago, I look over at the variety of clothing resting in my single travel backpack: the expensive Italian-made full-length pleated skirt, perfectly pressed, next to the linen cloth dress that I purchased for 5 euros last summer in the Spanish hills, still holding onto the faint aroma of marijuana from the days spend cutting the plants. Both sides of my wardrobe, both sides of me.

The city has always fed some grotesque side of my ego. Either I’m fascinated by it, observing it without allowing my ego to decide how I feel, or I am fully embraced by what it means to project success in a place where it seems like everyone else has already secured it. In the mountains, I allow the land to feed my soul and to spark my curiosity through a different kind of over-stimulation. It’s not that cities are more stimulating than the countryside for me, it’s that the countryside stimulates parts of me that brings me back to my roots and allow me to flourish in a richer setting for who I am.

While on the mountain in Ticino, I woke up one morning to my friend blowing off steam regarding a wine producer in the area having problems growing Merlot grapes. These grapes are not regional to the area.. so the method of growing them in that setting is, in his opinion, absurd. Grapes that are natural to the area thrive while the ones that are not meant to be in that environment either need constant modification through interference and/or they are overtaken by insects.

Maybe I’m overvaluing the meaning of this.. but of all things, this short vacation away from my research in Italy this summer has taught me the value of putting myself in an environment that is most fertile for me to grow in. Feed my soul, not my pocketbook. Feed my sense of wholeness, not my ego.

Pondering when I should purchase my flight home..

There’s something about this evening that is reminiscent of my fondest childhood memories..

I grew up in a 10 guestroom bed and breakfast nestled on 340 acres of untouched land in the beautiful rolling hills of the Driftless Area, Wisconsin. This wasn’t just any ordinary bed and breakfast, though. Designed by hand from the talent of my mother’s visionary mind, this log home housed an eclectic melting pot of fine art and rural, homegrown values.

During my childhood, everyday was spent meeting new people from around the country and the world in my own home. From my Tibetan refugee babysitter from the Buddhist Dharma center a few miles down the road to the array of guests spanning in origin from professional cyclists from Sweden to Mongolian wanderers, a Californian movie producer to a shamen from a remote Amazon rain-forest; the exposure for a tiny two-year-old girl crawling under tables and through ladies’ purses plopped on the floor of the award-winning restaurant was unlike any other. Home, to me, became synonymous with cultural exchange.

Food became a means of sharing this exchange with the outside world. Every morning, my mom would wake up at six A.M to prepare breakfast from anywhere between 2-30 guests and I would follow at about 7:45 to welcome the first guests descending down the Amish wooden-build staircase from the second floor. I’d offer them coffee, with cream or sugar, and show them to their designated table. From the time I was seven or eight years old, I would attend to tables in the morning and handle the front of house while my mother concocted delicious goods from the kitchen: Parmesan-chive scrambled eggs with rosemary-roasted potatoes, orange-cinnamon french toast with a wild-Maine blueberry sauce and house-made creme, baked frittata with asparagus and whatever muffin fit her desire for that day (I always preferred her raisin-bran or blueberry-lemon). Occasionally when we would have a full house, my mom would run a buffet.. I always looked forward to the last person coming down for breakfast- which always occurred between 8:00-9:00 A.M, sharp- before I would go through the line myself.

My favorite mornings would be when I woke up early enough to catch my mom sipping coffee on the front porch. I would join her in peering out over the large garden in front of the Inn that would occasionally fog over when the temperature and humidity reached the right ratio. I loved to sit on the purple metal chair and watch hummingbirds, chipmunks and deer and spend many hours reading whatever I could get my hands on.

My first job every morning was keeping coffee cups full. Coffee was the driving force to the morning and it was imperative that I always remained ahead of the coffee guzzlers because the machine would take ~5 minutes to brew a fresh pot. I would dance around the dining room and offer fresh brew to guests, periodically heading back to the kitchen with empty plates, handing them to my brother who was usually on dish duty. It was a well-oiled machine. I would always look forward to getting a “tip” from a guest on the dining table or in the room when they left. I started saving early.

Dinnertime was always an event. Whenever the weather permitted, we would sit on the front deck and enjoy ice-cold water and an array of beautiful foods cooked by my mom. She never failed to disappoint. Evenings were spent with hours at the dinner table chatting and enjoying company. Many times we would invite guests to sit with us and enjoy their company, too. Stories shared, meals exchanged. A national and international community right at my dinner table.

Now, as I stare out at the distant Italian alps, set against the blueish-pink skyline of sunset, my heart is simultaneously full and longing. There are sounds of children laughing and playing, parents chatting and gossiping. Crickets chirp in the background and cars buzz in the distance. The air isn’t quite as sweet as I remember it, but my memories make up the difference.

I find myself back in Europe six years after spending my first 4th abroad in Switzerland; as I sit on the terrace of a single-family home with bottle of 2016 Nebbiolo d’Alba, a day full of food, knowledge, and connection keeps my mind buzzing.

The fourth of July has always been a marker of anniversary in my life. The fourth of July means relaxation, pure fun, and a renewal and celebration of the past year through good food, good company and new beginnings.

Today would’ve marked my parent’s thirtieth anniversary and it also would have marked my fifth anniversary. Life is transient, though. Relationships are fleeting.

This doesn’t necessarily mean that today doesn’t mark a new beginning and an anniversary… of sorts. The past year has been saturated with the yin and yang of work and play, but with an annoying overindulgence in thought about what am I doing, why am I doing this and most importantly- what next?

Today taught me that it is highly difficult to control the circumstances that surround the what, but I have taken enough chances to allow the what next? to always be as remarkable as I could ever dream.

So, with that, I relieve the contexts of my day. Today I was lucky enough to meet with a person working for Slow Food International at its very heart in the beautiful city of Bra. I was also fortunate to meet with a professor at the University of Gastronomic Sciences in Pollenzo; a place with enough pull to host names such as Alice Waters, Massimo Bottura, and Carlo Petrini. My perception of what I was up against was overwhelming. Today proved to me the scope of what I know, what I don’t know, and how fortunate I am to be able to learn here.

A nontraditional fourth of July to say the least.. as I sip Italian wine and eat salads filled with locally produced goods, I feel farther away than ever from where I come from, but closer than ever to who I think I am, who I want to be. May this next year prove as special as the last.

University of Gastronomic Sciences, Pollenzo

Il Centro, Bra.

-Ayla

Boy, it’s hot out. Some thoughts on my lunch experience in the center of Turin today and how it fits into Italian tradition, non-tradition, and innovation…

There’s a restaurant in town called Poormanger (a name that provides a unique play on words, meaning “for eating” in French but spelled with the English word “poor” ).

Think: Jacket Potatoes. Heard of them? Me neither. What about.. the “loaded baked potato?” Not quite what one thinks about when considering an “Italian delicacy”. These potatoes, though, are loaded with toppings that are quintessentially Italian.

Burrata, valeriana, e pomodori secchi… su una patata.

Confused? Offended? Thrilled? All of the above?

I see the growth and success of this restaurant in Turin as an indication of where food values are moving in this setting. This restaurant doesn’t quite have the direct ties to Slow Food, but it shares similar values and actions as stated on their website:

Constant is the research of ingredients that are always local, fresh and seasonal, reflecting our main characteristic: genuineness. The ingredients of our stuffing come from local suppliers who have a strong connection with nature, just as we have. Potatoes and vegetables from Piedmont, fresh meat and cheese made by local artisans of food.

A very non-traditional Italian main dish served with quite traditional, locally-sourced produce? I’m on board.

The Slow Food Manifesto seems to be on board too..

This is what real culture is about: developing taste rather than demeaning it. And what better way to set about this than an international exchange of experiences, knowledge, and projects?

This lunch proved that tradition can meet innovation in an approachable way; developing a new taste through alluding to both international experience and localized tradition. With two locations, this restaurant proves that the desire for small, local, approachable food that is unconventional, interesting and yet of an extremely high quality is driving new entrepreneurial intentions. A place where fast food meets Slow Food at its essence.

Other restaurants in Turin seem to be popping up with similar approaches.

Stay tuned.

-Ayla

It’s 2 A.M here in Turin and I’ve ruined my chance for a successful transition away from the Eastern Time zone into Central-European time. Might as well make the most of this late-hour binge read.

So. Get this.

Anthony C.F Wallace was a Canadian-American sociologist who specialized in the cultures of Native Americans, was deeply interested in the intersection between cultural anthropology and psychology, and came up with a “revitalization theory” which basically encompasses the following:

“A revitalization movement is defined as a deliberate, organized, conscious effort by members of a society to construct a more satisfying culture. Revitalization is thus, from a cultural standpoint, a special kind of culture change phenomenon: the persons involved in the process of revitalization must perceive their culture, or some major areas of it, as a system (whether accurately or not); they must feel that this cultural system is unsatisfactory and they must innovate not merely discrete items, but a new cultural system, specifying new relationships as well as, in some cases, new traits” (Wallace 256).

Wallace proposes that a society can change and restore ideal cultural values by making specific recourse with the past, with tradition. Through the revitalization process, though, the society never truly fulfills the goal of full retreat into tradition, instead it creates something completely new, contemporary in itself.

Okay so I know this doesn’t have anything obvious to do with food.. or does it?

I’ve had my “food-brain” on for the past few months, slowly dipping my toes into the vast waters of economic, political, cultural, social etc. etc. parts that make up what we do at the dining table three times a day.

This sociological theory actually fully applies to food culture. In the book Edible Identites: Food as Cultural Heritage, it is proved through the analyzation of food heritages and current cultures in Pietrelcina, Campania, that “heritage cuisine plays a significant role in revitalization movements”.. but only within small-scale societies.

My argument: America needs a revitalization of its generalized food culture practices. Am I aiming at fast food? Not necessarily; my aims are pointed at cultural attitude towards food in general. This is where things get messy.

A thought:

Such a conscious effort to revitalize the food culture of America, even in a more basic sense than Wallace’s sociological theory (if that is possible), seems unattainable in a large-scale society. The paradox in this lies in that America’s local foodstuffs have become a luxury goods, icons. At large, we do not have such a ritualized production and consumption pattern that draws on deep-rooted history accessible for all and, in fact, our history is quite saturated with the industrial. Capitalism has created for modern America a food culture that keeps the majority fat, sick, depressed, and needing more.

Time to revitalize? Yes. With what tradition or heritage to reference?

I’ll be thinking about this.

Oh, and here’s a picture of my lunch. Compliments of the grocery @Eataly, Torino Lingotto.

Allora… eccomi qui. The start of a new journey into the unknown. Italy has always been a place of unknowns for me. The first time I set foot in this country I was 15, barely old enough to get a real sense of place. Two years ago, during a time of great change in my life, I decided to buy a ticket to Verona to live with a family for three weeks during my first winter break from Northwestern University. Again, last summer, I spent about two months soaking up all that I could in Milan, Lago Maggiore, Florence and Naples. What will come of this adventure?

I sit at a table for two in my one-room Airbnb. I could be anywhere, really. Hot tea with a twinge of coffee-stained water rests beside me alongside my torn up gramm.it Italian textbook, which I’ve dreaded opening for the past month. My “notes”-book, full of my personal thoughts about where I am, where I’ve been, and the anxieties about where I’ll go, is also looming, looking at me, telling me that I haven’t done enough, the world is against me, and this summer project will be a failure. Really, I’m just telling myself that.

Last night I laid in bed, jet-lagged from the day previous, watching a compilation of all late-night talk show appearances by Anthony Bourdain. They were all quite dry compared to his usual voice on his television show and beyond. I clicked on one more video labeled “Anthony Bourdain: Our Last Full Interview”. He began:

“Uninhibited creative freedom is something that I’ve been incredibly fortunate have for the better part of my television career…I’ve been free to do whatever I want…I won’t have it any other way: life is good, why settle for less?”

“When you’re given that much freedom and you have essentially no interference and complete support behind you, what you don’t want to do is get bored and lazy and sloppy. For me I’d rather not make tv at all or make unsuccessful tv than make competent tv.”

“I detest competent, workmanlike storytelling; I’d rather fail”:

Anthony Bourdain: Our Last Interview

I concur. These anxieties, fears, disappointments in myself are not because I’m actually anxious, fearful, disappointed; they’re a result of my knowing, deep down, that although I appear to have acquired a high-level track for success, I am not making the most out of it.  I have been competent, not exceptional.

This summer, unlike last, will be a time to allow myself full uninhibited creative freedom. I will choose to stay, to understand fully and slowly the what, the how, and most importantly, the why. I have been fortunate enough to be able to do whatever I want with this project with uninhibited creative freedom and essentially no interference. Northwestern University has provided me the financial support and otherwise to be able to jump into the unknown, essentially unqualified, to learn. As a 21-year-old, I don’t have that much to add to the conversation, but I’ve been given an opportunity to try.

And try, I will. Fail, even. Let’s find out.

-Ayla

Il Borgo Medievale di Torino… è un museo a cielo aperto che sorge lungo le rive del fiume Po, nel parco del Valentino a Torino.

Super excited for this page to be a platform to share so much.

~Stay Tuned.

All life is an experiment. The more experiments you make the better. — Ralph Waldo Emerson

Boston Public Garden